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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500670">Too Many Times</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekingslover/pseuds/thekingslover'>thekingslover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:41:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>539</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekingslover/pseuds/thekingslover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky can tell what he’s planning to do, but he doesn’t believe it.</p>
<p>Steve Rogers would never kiss Bucky Barnes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Too Many Times</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How many times have I lost you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Steve,” Bucky says, hedging. This conversation is long overdue, yet somehow still too soon. His emotions are raw, and his heart too heavy. He doesn’t want to think about the past. He wants to keep pretending that everything is okay, now, like this, with the two of them side by side on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them, and the rest of the world safely locked outside the four walls of their apartment.</p>
<p>He doesn’t want to think about the pain his hands have wrought on people.</p>
<p>On Steve.</p>
<p>“Too many times, Buck.”</p>
<p>Elbows on his knees, Bucky drops his head into his hands. An apology is ready on his lips, but he knows it won’t be enough. How could it? “Steve, I-”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying this right,” Steve says.</p>
<p>Bucky tilts his head in his palms, looks.</p>
<p>Steve drags a hand up over his forehead and through his blonde hair, messing it. He glances away, down at the ground. Uncertainty twists his face in an unfamiliar way. When has this man ever looked at Bucky without stupidly-fierce determination? </p>
<p>“We don’t have to do this,” Bucky offers.</p>
<p>Steve startles a little at the words. His attention snaps to Bucky, and <em>there</em>. That’s the man Bucky knows, the one who runs headlong into danger without a damn care for himself. The one Bucky would follow - has followed - into hell and back.</p>
<p>He starts to move.</p>
<p>Bucky can tell what he’s planning to do, but he doesn’t believe it. </p>
<p>Not when Steve’s body turns to Bucky like his whole orbit shifted and Bucky’s suddenly the sun. </p>
<p>Not when the bowl between them falls to the ground, throwing popcorn like confetti around their feet. </p>
<p>Not when two warm hands cup Bucky’s cheeks and coax him closer so goddamn gently - impossibly gentle for how strong of a guy Steve has become.</p>
<p>Not even when a pair of soft lips find his - steady, insistent, as bound and determined as Steve. As messy. As reckless.</p>
<p>Steve Rogers would never kiss Bucky Barnes.</p>
<p>Except that’s exactly what he’s doing. Right now. Right here on their couch, in their apartment.</p>
<p>Bucky’s heart hammers in his chest. He’s scared, so scared he’s going to ruin this somehow, taint this like he has everything else. That Steve will see something in this, in him, that’s not worth having around anymore.</p>
<p>He should quit while he’s ahead. He should stop this.</p>
<p>But then Steve starts to pull away, and <em>no.</em> No, that is so much worse.</p>
<p>Bucky grabs Steve’s shoulders and brings him back. He’s not as tender as Steve, and he hates himself because he knows Steve deserves softness and warmth and kindness. But Steve’s mouth is on his again, and they’re kissing, and Steve starts smiling against Bucky’s lips, and everything is so, so right.</p>
<p>“You, too, huh?” Steve says, when they break for air and maybe a little gravity to bring them back to earth. His fingers card through Bucky’s hair.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Bucky says, and his voice breaks. It’s been so long. So damn long. Since the war. Since before. “Get back over here, would ya?”</p>
<p>“I’d like to see someone try and stop me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First Stucky fic! First published on tumblr. Visit me, <a href="https://thekingslover.tumblr.com">thekingslover</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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